The goal of my studies

Now that we've been here eight months, I thought it would be a good time to take another look at the reasons for us coming.

For Debra it was very clear why we came: to go to business school. Debra had been interested in Business school for a number of years, but in Boston we could never figure out how to make the financial and logistical aspect of her being in school for two years work out. The reduced expenses of living in Israel and shorter length of the program gave her an opportunity here that was not open to her in Boston. Plus, it's half the price of an American MBA.

At first, I was a little nervous about the program: it didn't seem to be very well organized, the other people in the program were generally very young, and it was focused mostly on quantitative analysis, which is not Debra's strongest suit. But I have been very impressed by the time and effort she has put into the program, especially for the quantitative aspects. And now that the program is shifting to more case studies, which plays more into her strengths, I think she is beginning to distinguish herself as a leader and a top student, as well as learning an immense amount.

For the girls, our time here has been going very well. Silvia is amazing all of the other parents at her pre-school by having long conversations with them in perfect Hebrew. Miriam's teachers tell us that she has started to use lots of Hebrew words in her Gan, and in general, she is getting more and more expressive with her words. People here often remark that is a great gift for the girls to be learning Hebrew at this young age. In general, the two of them have adjusted well to life here and are really enjoying themselves.

As for me, things are feeling like they are starting to really come together. When I left the states, I was not clear exactly what I was coming to study. I was clear that it was the right decision to come, but not on the details. I had had a lot of spiritual experiences related to my healing work, and wanted to explore Jewish Spiritual healing. But I wasn't very clear on what that meant. I knew that I was going to have to have to spend at least my first year here increasing my background knowledge and study skills. What I didn't realize until I got here, is just how much background there is to be learned.

To really study texts related to spiritual healing and kaballah, I need to become almost fluent in Hebrew, conversant in Aramaic (the language of the Zohar and the Talmud), have an understand of Jewish religious practices and prayers (halacha and general orthodox practice), and have enough understanding of the texts to be able to look up references and understand them. Often the texts quote prayers or other texts and assume the reader knows how they relate to one another and why the author is using it to prove something. I think that if someone is praying and studying all day, there are references which are self-evident due to the practice, but not at all clear to an outsider like me. The depth of Jewish knowledge is immense. It is daunting and humbling.

The other day, I was commiserating with a friend who is at HUC (the reform rabbinical seminary) about going to Orthodox services and having no idea where we were or what was going on. Even going to an orthodox friend's house for Friday night dinner was (at first) a strange experience as there were prayers that were being said that I had never even heard of. It is a humbling experience to think I know what's going on Jewishly, only to find out that I don't even know some of the basic prayers in the traditional liturgy.

I think my gut reaction, which I have to keep in check, is to want to walk away from it, get angry, and say that "it is not important" or "they are doing it wrong". I think getting angry is easier than admitting my own ignorance. It's sometimes harder for me to say I don't know, please teach me, then it is to simply walk away. It's been a struggle since I got here, but Jerusalem is very good at keeping me humble - there are so many people here who know so much. As a rabbi friend put it: "often the garbage man knows more Talmud than I do."

So my goals here now are to learn the background: the languages, the practice, and the basic texts. I am in Ulpan to learn Hebrew. I have a hevruta to learn Aramaic and Talmud, and will hopefully get another. And I have a hevruta to learn basic kabbalah so I can start in that direction as well. I have figured out about myself that I need to study things by myself before I study them with others in order to really learn them. I need to spend the time with the dictionary and flashcards to try and work through the translation myself before I meet with anyone else. I have set myself up now with the time and the resources to do that, and now it's just up to me to work hard and get it done.

I think I would like to get to the point where I can sit down to study a text with a hevruta and not have to spend a lot of time in preparation. My lack of basic skills at this point means studying requires a large time commitment. One of my goals is to be able to focus on the ideas in a text and not just work on the translation. Hopefully, as the year progresses, I will be able to decrease my study time without decreasing the amount that I study. As that happens, I'm hopeful that I can increase the amount of clients that I see and devote more time to work. In the long run, I hope to get to a point where I can teach some of this material as well as just study.