The greatest fear

Before we left, many people asked us if it was safe to be going to such a dangerous place? Would we be ok? Were we worried about terrorism? And my answer to them all was that everything looks different on American TV. Jerusalem is a normal city that has a few abnormal events, but for the most part was a decent place to live. All of the worries about terrorism were put into perspective today by something I witnessed which made me realize how similar the life here is to the life in Boston. That really the things that scare us as people and as parents are the same no matter who you are are or where you live.

And to avoid the dramatic tension, everything was fine in the end, it was just very scary for a brief moment.

I arrived to pick up Silvia a little earlier today than normal. Some friends of ours, who's son is a friend of Silvia's in Gan, (preschool) are moving to the states for a year and a half, and today was their last day. We hope. He is American and she is Israeli and the consulate was showing how bureaucratic the US Government can be by delaying her entry Visa. Their flight is tonight, so I'm hoping I don't see them tomorrow, but when I said goodbye today, they still didn't have her entry Visa, and he was headed over to the consulate to get it after picking up his sons.

Our usual routine is to pick up Miriam first, then Silvia, and then play for awhile in the very nice playground at Silvia's pre-school. Many of the parents hang out there after school and it's been a nice way to get to know them. The Gan closes at 4ish, and they lock the doors then, but we can stay in the playground as long as we want. I think my record is an hour and a half.

We are supposed to pick up our kids by 3:45 so they can close the doors soon after. I've never been sure when they actually end the day, but I usually get there around 3:40 and the teachers are very pushy about getting me out the door. I've even talked to the head teacher about it because one of the teachers in particular makes comments and tries to give me a guilt trip every time I'm a few minutes late (which isn't often).

There is, however, one mother, who shows up late on a regular basis. I know she has several kids and is often pulling them along as she gets there late. I don't think I've ever really seen her come past 4:10 and that was only once, but she's usually on the tail end of the pick ups. And today, I saw her come through the gate at about 4:05ish. And soon after, one of the other parents asked, loudly, if anyone had seen Noam? I looked around and didn't see him, and I looked at the mother and she looked very confused. I then saw her try the door to the pre-school classroom and find it locked. Then I started to get very worried for her.

It's the greatest fear of all parents. That you entrust someone with the welfare of your child and when you come to pick them up, the child is not there and no one knows where he is. My stomach tightened up as I realized what was going on. She had come late, the doors were already locked and all the teachers had gone. The director of the pre-school rides her bike home and doesn't answer her cell phone as she's riding, and no one knew where her son was. One of the other fathers, thank god, ran around looking through the windows of the classroom and saw her son sleeping, on his mattress, in the loft in the classroom. But the door was still locked.

At this point, maybe 7-10 minutes had passed and I could only imagine what the mother was feeling. She seemed to be relatively calm as she (and many other parents) furiously called people to try to reach someone with a key. Another 5-10 minutes later, the rabbi came down with a key he had taken from someone else's office. They went in and the mother came out with her awake, but still sleepy son. Thank god was all I could say.

Apparently, the day before was his birthday and he'd had a party the night before and got to sleep very, very late. At nap, they had put him in the loft with several other kids as most of the kids slept in another place, and he just hadn't woken up. The teacher(s), in their rush to leave, hasn't bothered to take a walk through at the end of the day, and, not seeing any parents, they locked up and left. Thankfully, the child didn't wake up and find himself alone and locked in the school.

When I first realized what was going on, I feared that the kid had slipped out in the rush of parents and simply wandered off. My stomach still clenches when I think about that. It was a nice day so there were a lot of parents lingering in the playground. In a month or so, it will be cold and rainy and there won't be anyone hanging around. The way the security is there, that mother might not even have been able to get through the gate and she would have been scared, alone, and locked out.

I don't know what type of disciplinary action is going to happen tomorrow, though I expect it to be severe. The rabbi, who is great with children, was beside himself when he found out what was going on. I expect that they will implement better procedures for making sure the kids are picked up by an appropriate person. I am hopeful they will change the end of day culture so that it's more relaxed and if the teachers get out five minutes late, it won't be so bad. Judging by the other parent's reactions, as many hung around to talk about it afterwards and decompress a little, I think these things will happen. Perhaps the teacher who made the mistake, who is the same teacher who makes people feel guilty, will be let go. They were calling for her head, but I think better procedures is a better solution. I'm more concerned that it never happens again.

So, if you want to know my greatest fear about living in Israel - it's this: that the people who look after my children, when I'm not, will, ח"ש, not be up to the task. There are things to be afraid of here, but they aren't very different from the things there, it's just that those things don't make it to six o'clock news, but in the final analysis are the greater.